The incredibly dumb

AT&T fired President John Walter after nine months, saying he lacked intellectual leadership". He received a $26 million severance package. Perhaps it's not Walter who's lacking intelligence.

Police in Oakland, California spent two hours attempting to subdue a gunman who had barricaded himself inside his home. After firing ten tear gas canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing beside them, shouting please to come out and give himself up.

An Illinois man pretending to have a gun kidnapped a motorist and forced him to drive to two different automated teller machines. The kidnapper then proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank accounts.

A 9-year-old boy in Manassas, Virginia received a one-day suspension under his elementary school's drug policy last week - for Certs! Joey Hoeffer allegedly told a classmate that the mints would make him "jump higher."

A student in Belle, West Virginia was suspended for three days for giving a classmate a cough drop. School principal Forest Mann reiterated the school's "zero-tolerance" policy...not to be confused with the "zero-intelligence" policy.

Fire investigators on Maui have determined the cause of a blaze that destroyed a $127,000 home last month - a short in the homeowner's newly installed fire prevention alarm system. "This is even worse than last year," said the distraught homeowner, "when someone broke in and stole my new security system..."

Idiot Joke1

These are supposedly actual quotes taken from around the world.

"The effects are fleeting and lingering..." - Overheard in a hallway

"In Managua, people are cheering in the streets, which are deserted." - CBS reporter during the solar eclipse

"A trucker called to thank all of the courteous Seattle drivers he had run across." - Announcer on KZOK radio

"He threw 110 pitches in six innings, and that's a mouthful!" - CBS baseball announcer

"An agreement is not an agreement until the parties to the agreement have reached an agreement." - Irish Politician on RTE radio

"This is the biggest pawn that Israel holds in the whole hostage equation." - BBC world service.

"We have two incredibly credible witnesses here." - Sen. Biden at Thomas hearings from Bob Ericson (Marlboro, MA, USA)

"He's going to step down 'til he's back on his feet." - Vermont Public Radio commentator on Jimmy Swaggart's latest sex scandal

Man Vs Women

No hard feelings pleaseeee....
Thought, u would like it Men 6, women 25

Man at the ATM

1) Park the car
2) Go to ATM
3) Insert card
4) Enter PIN>
5) Take Money
6) Drive away

Woman at the ATM

1) Park the car
2) Check makeup
3) Turn off engine
4) Check makeup
5) Go to ATM
6) Hunt for ATM card in the purse.
7) Insert card
8) Hit Cancel
9) Hunt in purse for chit with PIN written on it.
10) Insert card
11) Enter PIN
12) Take cash
13) Go to car
14) Check makeup
15) Start car
16) Stop car
17) Run back to ATM
18) Take ATM card
19) Back to car
20) Check makeup
21) Start car
22) Check makeup
23) Drive for 1/2 mile
24) Release hand brake
25) Drive on.

An Engineers Vacation

An ambitious software engineer finally decided to take a vacation. He booked himself on a Caribbean cruise and proceeded to have the time of his life, At least for a while.A hurricane came up unexpectedly. The ship went down and was lost instantly. The man found himself swept up on the shores of an island with no other people, no supplies, nothing. Only bananas and coconuts. Used to four-star hotels, this guy had no idea what to do. So for the next four months he ate bananas, drank coconut juice, longed for his old life, and fixed his gaze on the sea, hoping to spot a rescue ship.

One day, as he was lying on the beach, he spotted movement out of the corner of his eye. It was a rowboat, and in it was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen. She rowed up to him. In disbelief, he asked her:"Where did you come from, and how did you get here?", "I rowed from the other side of the island," she said. "I landed> here when my cruise ship sank.", "Amazing," the software engineer said, "I didn't know> anyone else had survived. How many of you are there? You were really lucky to have a rowboat wash up with you.", "It's only me," she said, "and the rowboat didn't wash up: nothing did." He was confused, "Then how did you get the rowboat?" "Oh, simple," replied the woman. "I made it out of raw material that found on the island. The oars were whittled from gum-tree branches, I wove the bottom from palm branches, and the sides and stern came from a eucalyptus tree." "But, but, that's impossible," stuttered the man. "You had no tools or hardware - how did you manage?" "Oh, that was no problem," the woman said. "On the south side of the island,there is a very unusual strata of exposed alluvial rock. I found that if I fired it to a certain temperature, it melted into forgeable ductile iron. I used that to make tools, and used the tools to make the hardware. But enough of that. Where do you live?" Sheepishly, the man confessed that he had been sleeping on the beach the whole time. "Well, let's row over to my place then," she said. After a few minutes of rowing, she docked the boat at a small wharf. As the man looked onto shore, he nearly fell out of> the boat. Before him was a stone walk leading to an exquisite bungalow painted in blue and white. While the woman tied up the rowboat with an expertly woven hemp rope, the man could only stare ahead, dumbstruck. As they walked into the house, she said casually, "It's not much, but I call it home. Sit down, please. Would you like to have a drink?", "No, no, thank you," he said, still dazed. "I couldn't drink another drop of coconut juice.", "It's not coconut juice," the woman replied. "I have made a still How about a Pina Colada?" Trying to hide his continued amazement, the software engineer accepted,and they sat down on her couch to talk. After they had exchanged their stories, the woman announced, "I'm going to slip into something more comfortable. Would you like to have a shower and a shave? There is a razor upstairs in the cabinet in the bathroom." No longer questioning anything, the man went into the bathroom. There in the cabinet was a razor made from a bone handle. Two shells honed to a hollow-ground edge were fastened to its tip, inside a swivel mechanism. "This woman is absolutely amazing," he mused. "What next?" When he returned, the woman greeted him wearing> nothing but vines strategically positioned-and smelling faintly of gardenias. She beckoned for him to sit down next to her. "Tell me," she began suggestively, slithering closer to him, brushing her leg against his, "We've both been out here for a very long time. You've been lonely. There's something I'm sure you really feel like doing right now, something you've been longing to do for all of these months." She stared into his eyes. He couldn't believe what he was hearing this was like all of his dreams coming true in one day.

"You mean...," he replied, "I can check my e-mail from> here?" !!!!!!!!!!!